Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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