im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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