Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
