Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
