I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
