shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
