you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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