i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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