i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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