I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
