Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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