Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
