i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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