I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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