Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
