I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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