I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
