so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
