DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
