wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
