I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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