walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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