i barfeds in our rink
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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