So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I want to be your penis for a week.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
