I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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