Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
