I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This baby is an asshole
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
