Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
