No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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