You're so nebulous sometimes
You work out of a Hotel?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
