Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
