Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
