her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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