I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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