You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
