Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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