bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
