last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
