bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I want her autograph on my taint
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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