i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
