There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
