if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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