the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
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