My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
