im about as happy as oj after his trial
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
