Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
