i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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