Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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