It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
