Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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