Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
