im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
