i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He felt like a one man threesome
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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