You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
