Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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