my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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