I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
