i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize