I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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