I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize