HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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