You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
