I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
