barbara walters just said penis...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
