you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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