not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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