Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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