My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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