Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
