think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
