So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
