last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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