OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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