If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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