If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Of course I have a pirate flag
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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