it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
